Ok. So, the REAL final day of school was today. I'm so happy. :]
I'm currently on the office computer. It's pretty nice. I just realized that the internet is finally fixed on here, so AIM is working and that annoying pop-up alert saying "Your freakin' internet isn't working" isn't popping up! =D
That makes me super happy. ^^
But yeah, so I'm installing the Sims2 Pets expansion pack right now. I'll probably be playing that for a few hours. It's funny how playing that game takes forever. =/ I decided to play it mostly because I was having a really crappy afternoon before this. Mostly by throwing a pitty party... so you shouldn't be too worried. I hate it when I do that.
Agh... it's just... I often wonder if I'll die alone of something. Idk. It never really gets to me (except for this afternoon of course >.>) But... Idk.All the guys I talk to, just seem to see me as a friend I guess. And there are never any new guys to talk to, so it gets kind of depressing. Hearing and seeing success stories EVERYWHERE just gets under my skin too. Girls getting crushes right after their break up two weeks ago. (They've got a guy just like THAT. *snaps for emphasis on "THAT"*) It just gets discouraging. Like... I want a guy that will be my best friend and also love me for me in more of just a best friend way. Is that TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!?!?!
Agh... I always thought the best way to go about it is to become friends first. And then I started to thinking well maybe if you do that, then they'll think you are better just as a friend. But THEN, if you go around dressing all slinky and batting your eyes at a guy, they won't take you seriously. They'll only think it's a one time thing... like you're a booty call or something. I'm just confused right now, and quite convinced that Mr. Right does not exist.
And for the moment, I'm totally fine with that. I often wonder if it would be better for ME to be alone. That way I wouldn't have to worry about all the stupid details.
Just saying. I want something amazing to happen, where I don't have to be jealous and depressed over such a stupid issue. I'm just tired of being considered "The Good Friend". I want to have someone too.
*sigh* From what I hear, I'm not the only one. So I guess others can relate.
Wow. Ok. Today was the first day of our "Swine Flu" make up days. It was quite an interesting day. Haha. No one was really as school today. =/ It was quite depressing, and creepy at the same time...
But yeah. Tomorrow will be my official last day of school until the summer! =D I can't wait.
I took a bit of time this afternoon to relax a bit. My mom took me and my sister to the mall to go have some free time. We ate Chinese food and then I got a tank top from Forever21 for $3.50. It was nice. I also saw some AMAZING tank tops there for $2.50! I was SOOO tempted to buy two of them, but I decided against it to save my money for Twilight stuff. I was so proud of myself. ^^ OH! And at the mall we say this police officer with like... a tight muscle shirt and a small butt. It was hilarious. Reminded me of Buzz Lightyer a bit. You know... big chest, tiny butt? That sort of thing. =/
This afternoon, I also painted my nails a bright red color and I added a little white vampire smiley on them. It was cute. X]
AND! I also spent some time with God as well. It's nice. I feel alot better right now. I think I just needed to relax and talk to God a bit. I hope tomorrow will be way better then today was.
Well today was Memorial Day. There was a special on TV this morning, about honoring the troops, and a new memorial park opening in a place where I live. It was really nice.
When I sit and think about it, I can't imagine how so many people would want, and actually even go out and fight for our country. It just seems so amazing to me. They are so devoted and greatful for America, that they would go and fight for it. I've questioned whether I would do that. The only things holding me back are 1.) I hate fighting. Yes. That would be a huge problem. 2.) I'm not really too fond of high speed objects flying past/being aimed at my head or any other part of my body, and 3.) I want to act.
Yep. Those are the three exceptions. Oh! And I love my mom's cooking too much. Yeah... I think that's it.
But anyways, today we got to go out and go shopping during those Memorial Day sales. I got a pair of jeans for $5 and a tank top for $3 at Rue21. It was amazing. Totally made my day. ;D
And now I am listening to Bella's Lullaby. =] And then after that, I am going to go ask my mom if she can help me order the SPECIAL EDITION Twilight CD/DVD. Agh. I can't wait. I will FINALLY have the sound track. I wish I had a job. Then I could buy ALL the Twilight stuff that I wanted. =[
*sigh* Well... I'm sure I will get all the stuff one day. =] Hm... here is a list of all the stuff I will want to have/ buy eventually. =D
Yeah... and you may not believe it, but there's LOTS LOTS more. Haha. But let's see. That all comes out to... $367.37 That's almost a FREAKING $400!!!!
Agh... I have alot of work to do. =/ Hm... I should set a goal. X]
I'll let you know of my progress! =D -SUPER TWILIGHT LOVER.
Well, I found out who the winner of the NEW MOON video contest was. His name was Ky Wildermuth. And I must say, his video was quite astonishing. Haha. I am a bit bummed about not winning though. =/
But I'll be ok. I still love TWILIGHT just as much, if not even more. >.< *sigh* I do wish I could be there, just to see how it all goes. X]
Anywho, I was thinking about asking my mom if she could help me order the Twilight Deluxe Soundtrack CD/DVD. It's this super TRICKED OUT version of the Twilight soundtrack. Haha. I was just talking with my friend the other day, about how I have to get all the TWILIGHT stuff before New Moon comes out. Lol X]
GAH! I can NOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY! This is SO EXCITING!!! ^^ But anyways, I'm off to go do something more productive. I'm kind of bored at the moment. =/
But unfortunately, for me, it wasn't. Well... technically it was, but because of the stupid swine flu, the school board added in 2 more days of school next week. -_- So yeah. Most every ISN'T coming to school on Tuesday adnd Wednesday of next week, but for some reason my mom is making me go. I hate the thought of it. Like no one is going to be at school... It sucks so bad. >=[
But yeah. I will be going to school next week. I won't be surprised if only like, 30 people show up. Humph...
Anyways, nothing was really done yesterday, except take my last twp final exams, and then play MadGab in history class. That was pretty fun. =] Broadcasting took forever though. I just sat and read BreakingDawn while everyone else played Uno, and a couple of others were using the laptops. The people I usually talked to left early right after exams, so they kind of left me stranded there. =/
So yeah. What else? Well, while sitting in broadcasting, I did get around to writing another story idea. It was pretty cool from what I did get done. I'm pretty excited about it. X]
Let's see. I know there is more. OH YES! Somehow ants have managed to find their way inside of my keyboard. 0_o It kind of sucks. Everytime I type, I feel something crawling on me. It's quite irritating. They are EVERYWHERE. 0_o
But amyways, my dad is bugging me about cleaning up the house. So yeah. I guess I'm out for now.
WOOTWOOT! There are only 5 1/2 days left of school. Haha. I am so happy. I'm actually about to go to school right now. lol.
Hm... yesterday was the parent meeting for Color Guard. Basically all we did was go over practice information. It was pretty fun. Before that we had practice. I'm finally starting to get my tosses down. =]
Well let's see. What else? I have also FINALLY come upon a college that I absolutely love. It's called Abilene University and it's in Texas!
That's the only part I don't like... that it's so far away from home. But they have loads of stuff that I am looking forward to. Like a COLOR GUARD team, and an HUGE acting class. And best of all, they are a CHRISTIAN SCHOOL! Yay!
Agh. I will have to start preparing. I need to get some SCHOLARSHIPS! Well, I'm about to leave for school.
Well, the last full week of school beginnings tomorrow. I am quite happy and content when reminded of this thought.
I am extremely happy things are starting to slow down now. I don't want to think about all the other stuff that needs to be completed for school. Instead, I want to think of Embry, and Jacob, and La Push.
I have gotten back to reading the TWILIGHT saga once more. I am currently on Breaking Dawn. Whenever I read it, I can't help but compare myself to poor Jacob Black (this is pre-Renesmee for those that read the book). I start to wonder if I act to old for my age, or why there are no guys mature enough for my interest. Or why there are no guys that really understand me.
So I think, wouldn't it be amazing if I could be imprinted upon? I wouldn't have to worry about the long dates and awkward conversations. It would be natural. It would feel natural. He would understand me, and I would understand him. Awkward silences wouldn't be awkward anymore, they'd be AMAZING. I'd be looking forward to them. And best of all, we would always be loyal to each other.
Yeah... I'd love that. BUT! It's not TWILIGHT, and I'm not in La Push. I think I will visit one day. That definately is on my To-Do list.
Sincerely,
Your completely-in-love-with-the-La Push-werewolf-boy-lover.
It is this amazing band that has written one of my favorite songs. HEY THERE DELILAH.
For the past week or so, I have decided to teach myself how to play it. I'm actually getting REALLY good. I have the notes down, I just need to practice on smoothing out the song. It's awesome. It only took me about 2 days to actually learn the notes. YAY!
Also, I've been enjoying my time with my mp3 player. The times when I'm riding in the car, half bored to death, listening to Robert Pattinsons lovely music.
*sigh* So.... ANYWAYS.
I'm about to go to school. I'll probably post some more later.
My county was hit by a tornadoe. That morning we all had to evacuate our rooms and squoosh into the school hallways. It was pretty fun. I was playing with my friend's iPod touch the whole time. So I was never really bored, just enjoying myself.
I concluded the day with watching the other new Color Guard members practice for their try-outs. I didn't get to see a whole lot, because my mom came just 5 minutes after they started. =[
But I am excited for this afternoon. COLOR GUARD practice! YAY! =D My back is already packed and everything. Hehe. ^^
And after that, I'm going to go to Hallmark to apply for a job! My friend told me about it just yesterday, and I would love to apply. Hm... HALLMARK. I would never think this place would be my first job, but I like the thought of it already. It seems simple... and I love CARDS! =D
It's May. As of lately, my life hasn't been that eventful. I've just been tired exhausted, busy, and really tired of all the stress that just kind of FLOWED into my life.
And feeling unnecessarily unhappy doesn't help much as well. I don't know why, but I'm just not happy where I am. There doesn't seem like there's any meaning to anything. I've been reading "The Purpose Driven Live" by Dr. Rick Warren. In the book, there is a chapter about caring less about earthly possessions and more of your Heavenly home.
He also talks about how we're never really happy on Earth because, we weren't meant for earth in the first place. We were meant for Heaven. I just started thinking. It makes me sad to think about it. I feel like whenever I try to focus on something, I lose track of God. And when I try to place my focus back on God, I start to suck at everything else.
Drawing, my goals. Everything just seems to go down hill. I just can't possibly understand what I'm doing wrong... It's quite depressing at times.
If this is what happens, what do I have to look forward to in life. My goals are all a waste. I want to make a living. I don't want to struggle.
BLOG: In Decemberr
