Sometimes the things I do make me wish I was never even born.

They often make me wonder, if life would be much easier if it didn't exist at all.
Would it all have been worth it, not to live rather than to face all the crap that life forces upon me?

Sometimes it makes me sick.
The only thing I love about life, are the fun and happy times.

And knowing when it's over, I'll be with someone that has and always will love me for eternity.

is Mr. Good Waffle.
<333


Ben: cathy is crackers n ur the cream chesse XD


Gee... thanks BEN! lol X]
ILY, guys.

Well, I am sitting here.

I have been at home and on the computer just about all day. =/
My mom isn't doing so well. I think she has a cold. Blah. >.<

But yeah.
While browsing over my myspace friends this morning, I came upon an awesome myspace music page.

The name is called Breakbeat Heartbeat.
His music is AMAZING!

So awesome! lol.
Well yeah. I found a few links on his page for free songs. =]
And of course, I HAD to download them. So I did. X]

And I burned a few CDs for my CD player. =]
I've been listening to them when I could. lol

Its pretty awesome.
But yeah...

I guess that's about it.
And I should probably get started on my research paper revision.
Although I don't really feel like it. BLAH.

>.<

Well, this week has been super long!

Monday: I got to stay home with Cathy! =] She's one of my best friends. First of all, I think I should point out that we met on Gaiaonline. At first, it was a little bumpy between us, but who would have known we'd become best friends? 0_o LOL. I love her! She's amazing. Well, she got to come down, and we met in person for the first time! XD It was weird, in a good way. Neither of us were shy. It was like we've known each other forever. X]]]] Sadly, this was the day we had to take her to the airport. I cried my eyes out for a good while as we left. =/ It was pretty intense. But don't worry. She got home safely. We talk on the phone just about everyday! XD

Tuesday: I had to go back to school. Blah.

Wednesday: I got my report card, transcript, and cirriculum booklet for next year! =D I will be a Senior! >.< It's so exciting. Yet, kind of scary. D=

Thursday: My 8 page research paper rough draft was due. But I only managed to get 4 pages done. Oh well.

So yeah. I have a Maceth test tomorrow. I guess that's it. OH! And I also found out that one of my friends from school lives in my neighborhood. lol So yeah. That was awesome! =D

I have decided that I'm going to try to get back in shape.
I haven't been feeling very healthy lately. Too many headaches and too much stress. Summer will be better. MUCH BETTER.

PEACE♥&Happiness.

Yay!

Haha.
Well all week I have been waiting for this day! =D
And it's finally here!

Well... it was yesterday I was waiting for mostly.
But today is good too! Haha XD

Yesterday my best friend came down from Massachusettes.
It was pretty awesome. I had been waiting to see her for a VERY long time! =D

It's interesting...
How we met that is.
We met on GAIAONLINE. It's pretty awesome!
The situations and circumstances, are... a very long story. And the details are quite interesting as well. lol.

Well she just got done taking a shower.
I'll give you the details LATERS.

PeaceOUT. <3

Alrighty.

Hello there! =]
Well, it's about 8:34pm right now.

I'm super tired! *yawn*
Anyways, I have read my Bible and prayed a bit.
I'm already feeling better. Talking to God ALWAYS makes a difference. It's amazing. =O

Also, I was listening to the radio as I took my shower and "Keys to the Kingdom" by Group 1 Crew came on. It made me feel ALOT better. It gave me confidence. Strength. It felt like God was trying to tell me not to give up, and to keep moving forward for His kingdom.

It gave me... hope.
Anyways. Lol.

I need to go print out my sources before I fall asleep at the keyboard! D=
AGH! Lol.

Ok!

God Bless.

Hey guys!

Gah. Today was so... BLAH.

I have just found so many problems and things that I have to worry about in my life.
It sucks.

1. I don't feel like my SpiritMan is as close to God as it used to be.
--- I'm constantly finding myself doing things, and NOT caring like I used to. Idk what it is... I have also noticed that when I was closer to God, I was more organized. More neat. I cared more. Idk. It may seem absurd, but it's not. I have truely noticed a change in my behavior. And I hate it. I'm still nice and all, but... I feel like a hypocrit. I pray and all, but my relationship with God feels so weak right now. Like, I would think about God, and just not care. I used to think and talk to/about Him all the time. I hate what I've become. As RELIENT K once said,"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been". I'm putting my foot down. "It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right, what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong." (That was SANCTUS REAL by the way.)

2. I need to stop procrastinating.
--- I have an AP English 11, eight page research paper rough draft due next week, on the 26th I believe. I barely even knew what I was going to write it about. It's really frustrating. My sources are due tomorrow, and I still haven't searched those up. So yeah... I'm behind.

3. I have to many idols in my life.
--- Computer. Acting. Music. Friends. I just feel like I need to get away from it all. I sit and wonder if maybe it is all of these things that are effecting my relationship with God.

4. I'm always feeling like I'm constantly sick.
--- Which probably means I'm out of shape and need to excercise. This would probably include using less computer and reading less books. I put too much of a strain on my eyes.

So yeah. There's lots more. I'm sure. These are just the few that I care to think about at the moment.

I guess I'm doing fine right now, apart from my chest hurting. This frightens me at times. But it's probably just stress and anxiety, and a lack of excercising. GR.

Why does excercising have to have such a big effect on life? WHY?!?! D=

I hope it all goes well.

Today was pretty hectic.
Idk what is wrong with me, really.

This weird thing keeps happening.
My eyes will feel like they are twitching or something. Not my eyelids, my eyeBALLS.

My head also feels weird at times. Weird as in sharp pains every now and then.
And then my muscles start to feel weak, and I get that feeling that you get after having an adrenaline rush. Except its has happened over 10 times today.

Idk what's going on.
It's kind of scaring me.
I've just recently gotten over a cold, and a few days ago, it felt like I couldn't breathe again... =/
So yeah. Idk what is. I hope it's nothing big.
Maybe I just need more rest.

I'll have a talk with God and leave it in his hands. =]

Well anyways, so yeah.
School was ok today. Nothing really happened. In broadcasting, we edited a bit today. It was pretty cool. lol. Um, what else? OH! I had to go to school early to make up a math test. I was supposed to be there around 7. lol. I hope I did well.

OH! BRB. I have some BBQ chicken in the microwave! XD

-2 minutes later-

OK! I'm back! =D
And so is my dog, Mango.
She's a mix of Jack Russel Terrier and Doberman, I think.
LOL. She looks like an oversized Jack Russel. Hehe.

Well I guess that's about it.
I will have to let you know more about what's been up later.

TTYL. <3

Well, goodmorning.

HAPPY PRESIDENT's DAY! =D

I have no school. yay.
It would be even more awesome if I actually didn't have to show up at school today... -_-
I'm currently supposed to be leaving to go to school for a broadcasting thing. >.<

We are making a movie! =]
And it just so happens that my group needs to finish it. So yeah. =/

It sucks.
I had to wake up early on my 3 day WEEKEND! =[[
Well at least I get to act. I love acting. =]
Our film is supposed to be a short clip from the Breakfast Club. (with our own little twist of course) Haha X]]]

It should be fun.
OH! Also, the Valentine's event on Gaia ends today. =[
So, since I really wanted Edmund, but I didn't have 1500 post, (I only have about 1120 right now), I bought him for about 5000gg. =]

Isn't he cute? ^^



I told you. X]

Well, I'm off to go film. =/
I'll let you know how it goes.

Check ya' later dudes!

Well it just so happens that I have realized that I really love music.

It's weird. I haven't realized how much it affects me.
Well, I knew that I've always loved to sing, but you know.

I am currently listening to Yiruma - River Flows in You.
That song is just simply amazing.

It's so special.
Reason being that it was debated to be "Bella's Lullaby" in the movie TWILIGHT.
I am absolutely in love with the TWILIGHT saga. Stephenie Meyer is amazing.

And her characters are even more awesome. (because they were made by here of course). ;]

Gr. I have noticed that when I am on the computer for long periods time, my eyes will start to burn. This also happens when I start to feel tired. Hm... =/

Anyways, I think that is it.
My eyes are really starting to bug me. AGH! D=

Until next time.

Hey there, everyone.

It just so happens that I have decided to start on a new blog. I decided to name it, In December: A New Beginning. Mostly because I'm tired of the old me, and I want a new beginning.

This will be a new time in my life. A time where I will chase after my dreams, and work to reach my goals. I will start to keep promises, and learn to love like I was born to do. I am going to take responsibility, even when I hate doing so.

I'm going to make things happen.
I can do all these things. I trust in God.

And if one doesn't work out, then He'll help me find a way. I want to live. I want to move. I want to succeed.

Let's get started.

There are times when I get sick and tired of being in this skin.

This human skin, that is.
We are all just so... imperfect.

It makes me sick to even thinkg about it. Why do we all have to make mistakes. Why is there right? Why wrong? I just wish that sometimes, I could actually control the wrong decisions I make. It makes me mad.

It makes me want to hate myself.
It makes me hate this horrible, earthly skin.

God, I'm sorry.