In December: A New Beginning

Darn You, Procrastination!

2010-03-18T09:51:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a while.
I can explain.

You see. Every time I would go to post, I would write one or two sentences, and then get distracted. So I told myself that this would NOT be another one of the entries.

So, things have been quite interesting for me lately.
I am currently on Spring Break and enjoying it tremendously.

Have you ever had that feeling that you feel like your going backwards in time?
Idk. It's weird. A lot of things that I thought were over and down with, keep coming back into my life. It makes me feel like I'm going back in time. 0_o

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. Not only this, but it was also my dad's birthday. :)
I feel bad for not posting and saying it then, so I will say it now. HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!:D

Well, I still have lots of I need to say, but I will be posting that later.
TTFN. <3

MOOD: Quite annoyed that I still have to write a research paper, memorize a poem, and finish my dream house floor plan. DARN YOU, PROCRASTINATION!!!

It's been 10 days...

2010-03-02T20:10:00.002-06:00

It's been 10 days since I've posted on here.

Thinking about it makes me feel a little under-accomplished.
Just a little.

I haven't really had any interest in coming on the computer for a while. A lot has been going on lately. I've learned that I really can't trust the people I thought I could. Although... I did learn that a LONG time ago. I guess it just so happens that I learned it AGAIN with someone new. MLIA.

It's weird.

My dad was recently talking to me about how I should choose my friends, and not let them choose me. At first, I didn't quite know what he meant, and then later on, I was really offended. It wasn't the first time he's said it to me, so I knew I must be doing something wrong.

It wasn't until the next day that I realized he was right.

Have you ever had someone say that they loved you? Only, you didn't love them back. But you told them that you loved them just to avoid conflict? I hate doing that. I makes me feel all icky inside. It makes me feel like I'm being forced to LIE. I don't like lying.

But it was this exact situation that made me realize my dad was right.
I can't please everyone, and I can't always try to.

I guess it's just another one of those life lessons.
Hope to come out on top!

MOOD: Tired and exhausted.

Total Exhaustion

2010-02-20T07:46:00.002-06:00

In these past few weeks, I've found myself emotionally exhausted.

So many things have been going on in my life. So much, that I'm having trouble figuring out what really matters to me.

I've been having to deal with some stuff lately. Let's just say, I started to like a flirtatious guy. We all know that never has a happy ending. It's been bothering me so much, that I can't seem to focus on anything else.

I just need to go away and break free.

Speaking of breaking free, I find it pretty awesome how Sarah Bareilles' song GRAVITY was playing right as I was writing this. I love that song. It's amazing how much it pertains to what I'm going through right now. Why don't you take a listen? :]

MOOD: I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity...

Perfect for Prom

2010-02-04T22:32:00.007-06:00

PROM.

This is the one word that most every high schooler looks forward to. The limo rides, the dinners, that one special dance.

Personally, for me, I never thought any of these could possibly be an option.

Before this year, I had never been to a dance; the few people that asked me were either creepy, or would have gotten the wrong message if I did say "Yes". So I didn't.

But this year is different.
This year I was asked by one of my best friends. We'll just call him, Bob.

It was a shock to me, whenever he did ask. I never did think that anyone would be interested in asking me. But it happened, and I'm happy.

Speaking of "it happening", let's rewind to this morning; shall we?
So I'm at school, and here he comes walking right towards. He smiles before gently taking my hand, getting down on one knee. I begin to smile as he says one simple word. "Prom?"

I couldn't help but laugh in acceptance. Yes! Of course! Why wouldn't I go with you?! I mean... really, I just said "Yes!" but the other version works too.

"Everyone! I offically have a date to prom!" he says. Of course, me being the dorky person that I am tried to hide my face as everyone cheered. It felt like their stares were burning against my face.

Anywho, that's the story of how I got a date to prom. :]
Some people say it was like a fairytale. I would have to agree.

MOOD: Ecstatic! I may finally get to go dress shopping!

Yay for Snow

2010-01-29T12:59:00.004-06:00

I'm not really the biggest fan of snow...
That is, unless it's the reason for me getting out of school.

In that case, I love it. :D

It just so happens that it is snowing/sleeting over here. I got to leave school early, and then got some Chinese for lunch. That just makes the day even better!

There's nothing really to report at the moment.

OH! Except that I have had constant sneezing. It's really getting annoying, and also very painful. :(

OH and ALSO! Remember the whole texting issue that I had from the last post? Well, I was talking to this same person again. It's kind of weird. With every conversation we have, it's always me who is texting them first. =/ It makes me feel weird, like I'm absolutely DESPERATE or LONGING to talk to them. Whenever we talk in person, it's never like... super awkward. We can socialize, it's just... Idk... different in other cases... if that makes sense. 0_o

Anywho, I think I'm gonna go check my messages, and then read my Bible and maybe another amazing book from the library!

Adios. :]

MOOD: Rather bored, and hoping to read another good book.

Stress or No Stress...?

2010-01-27T19:03:00.003-06:00

For this past week, I have been struggling with stress management.

I am constantly going about wondering what I am going to do next, or thinking about what scholarships or forms have to be completed. Right now, I have 3 things that I have to do for school tomorrow. It's 7:04, and they still haven't been done.

I am sick and tired of being loaded down with stuff and having to worry about getting it done. It would all be much easier if I could just have everything done and not have to worry about it at all.

But it's not.
And I am.

Before I continue to go into SUPER LOUD RAMBLE mode, lets continue on to another topic... SHALL WE? :]

Texting.
Everyone loves to text. Right?
I love to text; you love to text. We all love to text.

Well, what happens when you think you might have texted someone a little too much, almost to the point of them thinking that you might possibly like them... BUT of course you don't! You just want someone to talk to. What could you POSSIBLE do in that situation?

Yeah... I don't know either.
BUT just in case you do, please comment and let me know. :]

Anywho, I better get started on studying/finishing up my homework.
BYE!

MOOD: Frustrated

Blah, Blah, Blah

2010-01-25T22:19:00.003-06:00

So today was rather interesting.

I wasn't feeling well, so I left school early, got some Chick-fil-a, and took a 4 hour nap; all of this before waking up, eating some fruit cocktail, and painting this awesome picture.

So yeah.
That's pretty much all I did today.
That and practice this poem I have had to have memorized by tomorrow night, and finish up an Interior Design assignment.

Speaking of Interior Design, that's probably one of my most care-free classes. It's quite fun. All we do in there is talk, draw, and watch episodes of DESIGN STAR in order to further our knowledge of "housing" and "decoration". Amazing. :]

Anywho, it's late.
I'm gonna head out.

Catch ya later. :]

MOOD: Sleepy time. Nighty Night.

Audrey, Wait!

2010-01-24T20:53:00.000-06:00

Skits, Books, and Hannah Montana

2010-01-24T14:28:00.003-06:00

Hello WORLD!

Today was actually a very good day. This morning at church, instead of a sermon, our church ministry group did some AMAZING skits! They were absolutely awesome, and they carried a great message. I always find it odd how every time I go to church, the message always pertains to something that is going on in my life.

It's just so amazing how God knows what I need and when I need it. It makes me smile; to know that the Creator of the Universe not only knows who I am, but pays attention to every single detail of my life. I love it. I love Him.

Also, out of the skits, I also got some cool new songs; Well... songs that I've never heard.
Sarah Bareilles - GRAVITY, and TRUSTcompany - Downfall. They are both very good; so good in fact, that I added them to my playlist! :D

Maybe if you refresh enough times, you'll be lucky enough to hear them. :]

Anywho... MOVING ON!
Remember those 3 books I told you about? Well, I decided to go back and give one of them a try. Turns out, I finished reading it this afternoon. It was actually quite an interesting story, and rather funny. The only thing I didn't like was the constant cursing and swearing. Blah. Not my thing, but the story was still pretty interesting. :]

AUDREY, WAIT! by Robin Benway

That's the book. :]

After finishing that up, I was able to get some dinner and get on to good 'ole NETFLIX to watch the... "drum roll please!" *DRUMROLL*

HANNAH MONANTA MOVIE!

...Which I must say, was actually WAY better than I thought it would be. So cute. And they're were some pretty cool songs on there as well. :] In case you haven't guessed, I added one of those on my playlist as well. Hehe.

HANNAH MONTANA - YOU'LL ALWAYS FIND YOUR WAY BACK HOME

I think that one was one of the better ones. Anywho, I'm kinda hungry. And maybe a little sleepy. I think I'm gonna head off and get something to eat.

I'll try to post again SOON!

MOOD: Wanting to find something tasty to eat, and then go read another book!

My 10 Favorite Guy Names

2010-01-23T16:22:00.003-06:00

These are my ten favorite guy names. Just thought it would be fun to post. :]

1. Greco
2. Alexander
3. William
4. Erik
5. Embry
6. Stephen
7. Peter
8. Tarlo
9. Jack
10. Oliver

MOOD: ENTERTAINED

.01

2010-01-23T14:44:00.003-06:00

Just Another Saturday

2010-01-23T13:26:00.003-06:00

Hola, mis amigos!

I finally managed to find a layout that I actually like. Isn't it purty? :D

Anywho, today has been a rather uneventful day. I woke up, did my devotions, ate some cheese toast, and have pretty much been on the computer most of the day.

BUT!
Yesterday was great.

I was finally able to go to the library again. Turns out I ended up getting 9 books or so. =/ I've started reading a few. Sadly, none of them have really caught my eye. It's actually quite irritating. What am I supposed to do when 3 out of 9 books are duds. That just makes me lose hope in the other 6.

It's kind of hard to find a REALLY good book these days.
The last book that I read was actually really good. It was called The Amaranth Enchantment by Julie Berry. I loved it. If you know of any other cool books like that, definately post your suggestion in my tagboard!

Anywho, I think I'm gonna go. I may get on later to post some more cool stuff. :]

MOOD: ACCOMPLISHED

The World

2009-12-26T19:32:00.001-06:00

"Do not love the world, or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." - 1 John 2:15

Sometimes, I find this so hard to follow...

I know this world is not my home. I know I belong with God. So many things happen here. Happiness, sadness, success, love...

It all seems like so much.

He is the Light.
Naturally, our human flesh wants the dark. And not the light. Maybe that's why obeying is so hard. Loving someone, learning to trust them when your heart has no buisness doing so in the first place, is definately a dangerous thing.

It frustrates me.
I struggle with this all the time. I want to learn already. I want to learn how to balance everything. I want to get it right. The next time I try, and I hope I will succeed then, but I don't. I fail and try another method.

It's frustrating because it's exhausting me. Trying to find the best way to succeed, trying to understand what I need to do, trying to understand what God wants me to do.

I know... I need patience, and I need to talk to God. I need my Father. A lot.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T12:50:00.001-06:00

Here, I am again. It's been a while since I've posted here on BLOGGER. Ever since my one of my friends introduced my to a similar blog site, I kind of wondered off to there, and then eventually stopped blogging for a while. Now, I'm back, and I plan on doing something a little different. Maybe something that will actually attract viewers. I don't think there are many that actually come to my blog to read about my life. >.< I'll think of something. Oh, and MERRY CHRISTMAS everybody! :D

Change Me Not.

2009-08-03T09:50:00.002-05:00

It is rarely that I find someone who makes me want to change myself to fit into their life. So far, there have only been 2 people. It's really quite strange. They are complete opposites of each other.

But I guess the real question is, why does this happen? Why do I always find myself needing this person. It twists my mind. The friendship begins to determind who I am, and I hate that.

That's when I begin to wonder if that friendship is worth it at all.

I would absolutely love to find someone who doesn't in someway make me change who I am. I would very much love that.

My Life?

2009-08-02T18:26:00.002-05:00

Hola, mi amigos.

Well, summer has just about come to an end. I'm into the last week before school starts. How exciting. :]

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life. What do I want to do?
I still am kinda fuzzy on that. =/ I know I like photography, and singing, and working with cameras and computers. Well, I'm taking Interior Design at my school this year. Maybe I could have a career in that field. It's still possible for me to work with cameras and everything. =D

I could do set for film, or photography studios. ;D
YES. That should be fun. Now on to the hard part.

Looking for more colleges.
I really need to step it up. =/
I have so much to get done. Senior papers. Stuff for scholarships. NEED TO GET IT DONE.

One Sore Week

2009-07-25T18:37:00.002-05:00

I haven't been on to spill my feelings into this blog in a while. 10 days to be exact. OUCH. That's a long time...

However, I do have a few good reasons for not posting. First of all, this past week was my first week of Rookie/Color Guard camp. It was rather intense. I believe it is safe to say that I now have begun the road to achieving my Color Guard MAN ARMS. Yep. I can definitely see my muscles now. And my calf muscles are rock solid. Oh yeah... ;D

Everyday, at Guard camp, we did over 100 sits up, over 100 push ups, and ran around the band room for 5 to 6 laps. It was intense.

Well, my other reason being that I believe the computer has become and idol in my life. I am trying not to use it as much. So yeah.

Well, I'm not quite sure of the next time I will be on. :/
Maybe later today, or in a few days, I have decided to start posting some pics and stuff. Maybe I will blog about that. =D

Anyways, I shall BBS. =]

Caio.

We All Wear Dignity

2009-07-15T09:22:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to Relient K.
Probably one of the most amazing bands ever. Either that, or just my most favorite band ever.

Today is going exceptionally well. I woke up, and thanked God for today and all of the blessings he's given to me. At my age, I'm still trying to find myself, and who I am in God. I have heard people say they think I am surprisingly mature at my age.

But really I'm still trying to figure everything out.
My pastor says, "If you're having trouble, God's still working on you." I find those words encouraging, because I have problems everyday. =/ It's horrible. For the longest time I have struggled with the realization that I am not perfect, and I never will be. Personally, I hate to fail. And everytime I sin, I feel like I'm failing every single time.

I'm slowly beginning to realize that NO ONE (other than Jesus Christ) is perfect. God knows this. That's why he sent Jesus. But... I don't know. In my mind, I feel horrible because, I just feel like I'm constantly letting him down. And it's quite heartbreaking. I want to make him happy, I don't want to fail time and time again.

I guess... I have to realize that in my trying, I am making Him happy. I may fail, but I get up, and keep trying. That has to count. Right?

I hope so.

Memories... they're Ggrreat!

2009-07-11T16:19:00.003-05:00

For the past few weeks there have been no posts. Mostly because I have been too lazy to post them. A few times I did come on, only to find myself starting a post, and then stopping before the second sentence was even complete. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel free. I wanted it to flow. I was mostly just getting on just for the sake of posting something.

But now I am not. Now I am here, posting away to my little hearts content.

I often find myself wishing the past wasn't so... unforgettable. =/
I constantly ask myself what life would be like if I didn't remember some of the things I wish I could forget. And then I come to realize that life might even be worse. Worse because I would make the same mistakes over and over again. But better, because I would never remember.

Yes. I am thankful I remember.
I am glad I remember those painful yet awkward moments that I we had to share. Those interesting times in which I just wished had never happened. And then there's those times in which I wish had never stopped. Yes. Those are the times in which we all truely learn to live.

Lately I have been practicing on my guitar. I'm getting better and better each day. It's nice. To know that I am REMEMBERING the notes, and everything is well.

But then there is this awkward moment, on facebook that is. One of my sister's friends absolutely insists that he say he "loves me" and then ask me to be his girlfriend. -_- Note, he was in my younger sisters elementary class and he's never met me in real life. Yet, he constantly insists because I'm beautiful and have a nice personality.

I asked him what my favorite color was.
He didn't know.

(It's green by the way).

Yep... those are one of the moments in which I wish had never come.
It may not have even happened if he was never on my friends list. Come to think of it, I don't even know how he got on there. 0_o

Weird.
I believe I have proved my point.

Another post

2009-06-26T22:27:00.003-05:00

It's late.
And I should probably be in bed. But I felt the need to come and post something good.
So yeah. That is why I'm here.

Today was quite an eventful day. My mom did my hair and took me to the studio to get my pictures taken for Senior portraits! It was fun. Yesterday, they took my drape shots, and today they took my casuals. I felt like a real MODEL. ;]

Other than that, I've just been trying to keep myself together. I keep feeling sick, but then at other times, I feel fine. Like now. I'm starting to believe it's just anxiety. But when my head gets dizzy, my arms go numb, my chest starts hurting, and my breathing becomes labored, I start to think otherwise. =/

Idk.
I will have a doctor's appointment soon, so maybe things will be straightened out. :]
Hmm... I hope so.

P.S. I wish nothing but the best for the families of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Yesterday was truely a tragedy. Both on the same day... they will be missed.

G'night.

Becoming a Makeup Artist

2009-06-24T11:18:00.002-05:00

Alrighty. So I have decided that I would LOVE to improve my portfolio reguarding my makeup/photography skills. I have been searching around for some ideas of make up I could possibly do. =]

I am considering starting my first shoot with some friends. I'm gonna try to get some people together. It should be fun.

I really need to practice my makeup art. =]

Anywho.
I need to get ready. My dad is going to be taking me to see TRANSFORMERS. That movie is going to be SO GOOD! Wow. I can remember when the first one came out. I was a bit skeptical of it at first. You know... it being Transformers and all. The cartoon always seemed so childish to me at times. But when I saw it, I was just like... WOAH. 0_o

So yeah. Can't wait to see it. =]
I'll post about how it went soon. X]

TRANSFORMERS.
More than meets the eye. ;D

Life Is Good.

2009-06-22T11:30:00.002-05:00

Whenever I can, I like to sit down and just take it all in.
I thank God everyday for the wonderful blessings He's given to me. Life is good.

It's weird.

At times, I hate where I am. I hate the situations I am faced with. But, there are also times when I just have to stop, and realize that I'm here for a purpose, and I can't keep moping around everywhere. I have to make the best of what I'm given.

So yeah.
I received a call this morning. It was from the portrait studio about my Senior pictures. I called them back and rescheduled. My hair's wet, I'm sitting in blue jeans, and I just really don't feel like going out to take pictures.

I guess that's a little bit that's been going on in my morning.
I'm a bit bored at the moment.

I'm thinking about painting or something like that.
I don't know.

I may go get something to eat.

ADIOS.

I'm fine

2009-06-18T07:25:00.004-05:00

For the past week or so, I have been constantly worrying about my health.
I've felt dizzy and lightheaded and week. Just yesterday evening I thought something was happening to me after I ate a whole plate of sweets (aka a chocolate chip cookie, double chocolate chip brownie, and a piece of pumpkin bread).

It was delicious.

But I noticed about 5 minutes after eating it, I felt really weird. I started freaking out because I thought I was going into shock or something. But I think what really happened was I was starting to get a SUPER HIGH sugar rush. >.<

And it freaked me out a bit.
Yeah.

So I'm fine.
I took my blood sugar this morning, and my dad told me that it was normal.
So I hope everything goes well this week.

I'll be on the road soon.
My family is going back to Florida to pick my little brother up from camp. =]
It should be fun. We go to the little dinner they provide there every year.

Anywho, I think I need to stop typing so much.
My arms have been going numb, and they are starting to hurt right now.

I need to keep them CARPEL TUNNEL FREE in order to succeed at Color Guard this year.
;D

I'm out.

P.S. I posted a new layout. =D

The Previous Week

2009-06-17T13:41:00.002-05:00

I think it appropriate to say that the previous week for me was absolutely life changing. This was the week of my fourth time at church camp.

Going this year was amazing. I learned alot not only about God, but also about myself. The main topic of the week was serving others. At first, it was quite disappointing. For the whole week, all we did was go around in the hot sun and do work around the camp. It was quite a different camp experience compared to the years before.

Definately life changing.

There was one small detail that began to bother me that week. A guy.
... Ok. I lied. One HUGE detail. Yep. A guy. The first day I met him, he was actually pretty cool. We started talking and all that, and I kind of started to like him. Long story short, he ended up flirting with all the other girls in camp as well. So I'm not really too disappointed. I don't think that she even be going on at church camp anyways. 0_o

But moving on.
From the whole experience I did manage to get loads of helpful stuff.

I gained a new perspective on life, and the world, and most definately God.
I learned that nothing is too big for God. I learned that there are people around the world that are starving. I've learned that because the problem is so big, we often tend to ignore it because we don't think we could make a difference. Oh! And I also received a free NIV bible. That made me SUPER HAPPY. =D

Well, I guess that's it for now.
There's lots more I have to say, I just don't feel like it at the moment.

:]

Getting Better Everyday

2009-06-04T09:10:00.002-05:00

So, it is the 4th day of June.
The weather has been pretty nice lately. I'm currently sitting here with my doggie and listening to my new TWILIGHT CD! =D

I was so happy when it came in yesterday! I ordered two. I ordered the original soundtrack, and the other one by Carter Burwell. They both are absolutely amazing. I love them.

Yesterday evening, I spent a good amount of time packing for the trip tomorrow. I'm not quite sure what time we will be leaving. I need to talk to my dad about that. Earlier this morning, I was worrying about whether I would be able to go to camp. I have this really bad rash on my leg, and it hurts. And then later this morning, I noticed a swollen lump around my upper thigh area. I think it's a swollen gland. I hope it goes away soon. It doesn't hurt that much. Only when I press on it. I just hope everything clears up in time for camp.

Agh! Camp is only 3 days away now. X]
I can't wait. Although, a few of my friends already say they don't want me to go. =[
I told them I would call before I left for camp. They BOTH still didn't like that I was going, but they had to accept something. >.<

So anyways, I have been thinking of what I'm gonna do for my youtube show thing. I'm still pretty excited about it. I hope everything works out with that. I can already picture what I want my characters to be like. X]

But yeah.
I'm gonna go now. I might play my Sims2. YEAH. That's right. I said Sims2.
NOT SIMS3. >.<

Anyways, Ta-Ta-For-Now.
xoxox

Caught in Quite a Pickle

2009-06-01T08:51:00.003-05:00

Hey.
I'm caught in quite a pickle right now.

It all started yesterday.

I was on the phone with one of my friends. You know, it was going well. I'd missed him. We hadn't talked in almost a month or so. Maybe longer. I told him about summer and all the activities I've done, and he told me about his job.

Then out of no where, he pops the question.
"Ok, I'm really sorry and don't take this personally. But I still can't believe you are 16 and are still a virgin."

0_o

Did this REALLY just happen? GAH.
It kind of took me by surprise. I told him I didn't want to, and that I was too young to even be doing that stuff. He just insisted that NO, I was too young to get pregnant, I WASN'T too young to have sex.

Because of this one conversation, I have been up just about all night. It's on my conscience, and I DON'T like it ONE BIT. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. It causes me pain. When he said these things, it made me think. And it broke my heart.
Why are these things so hard. Why is the world so messed up? I don't understand why so many concepts have been twisted and turned into something different for this generation. All my life, I have been raised to believe that sex was made and meant for a MARRIED couple. So many teens these days don't believe or understand this. It makes it so hard for me. I just wish that things were different.

Why can't they see?
I just... agh. I need someone who understands me. I feel alone in this.

Am I?

I Am Understood?

2009-05-27T14:07:00.004-05:00

Ok. So, the REAL final day of school was today.
I'm so happy. :]

I'm currently on the office computer. It's pretty nice. I just realized that the internet is finally fixed on here, so AIM is working and that annoying pop-up alert saying "Your freakin' internet isn't working" isn't popping up! =D

That makes me super happy. ^^

But yeah, so I'm installing the Sims2 Pets expansion pack right now.
I'll probably be playing that for a few hours. It's funny how playing that game takes forever. =/ I decided to play it mostly because I was having a really crappy afternoon before this. Mostly by throwing a pitty party... so you shouldn't be too worried. I hate it when I do that.

Agh... it's just... I often wonder if I'll die alone of something. Idk. It never really gets to me (except for this afternoon of course >.>) But... Idk.All the guys I talk to, just seem to see me as a friend I guess. And there are never any new guys to talk to, so it gets kind of depressing. Hearing and seeing success stories EVERYWHERE just gets under my skin too. Girls getting crushes right after their break up two weeks ago. (They've got a guy just like THAT. *snaps for emphasis on "THAT"*) It just gets discouraging. Like... I want a guy that will be my best friend and also love me for me in more of just a best friend way. Is that TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!?!?!

Agh... I always thought the best way to go about it is to become friends first. And then I started to thinking well maybe if you do that, then they'll think you are better just as a friend. But THEN, if you go around dressing all slinky and batting your eyes at a guy, they won't take you seriously. They'll only think it's a one time thing... like you're a booty call or something. I'm just confused right now, and quite convinced that Mr. Right does not exist.

And for the moment, I'm totally fine with that. I often wonder if it would be better for ME to be alone. That way I wouldn't have to worry about all the stupid details.

Just saying.
I want something amazing to happen, where I don't have to be jealous and depressed over such a stupid issue. I'm just tired of being considered "The Good Friend". I want to have someone too.

*sigh*
From what I hear, I'm not the only one.
So I guess others can relate.

I Am Understood?

A School Nightmare

2009-05-26T19:33:00.003-05:00

Wow. Ok. Today was the first day of our "Swine Flu" make up days.
It was quite an interesting day. Haha. No one was really as school today. =/
It was quite depressing, and creepy at the same time...

But yeah.
Tomorrow will be my official last day of school until the summer! =D
I can't wait.

I took a bit of time this afternoon to relax a bit.
My mom took me and my sister to the mall to go have some free time. We ate Chinese food and then I got a tank top from Forever21 for $3.50. It was nice. I also saw some AMAZING tank tops there for $2.50! I was SOOO tempted to buy two of them, but I decided against it to save my money for Twilight stuff. I was so proud of myself. ^^
OH! And at the mall we say this police officer with like... a tight muscle shirt and a small butt. It was hilarious. Reminded me of Buzz Lightyer a bit. You know... big chest, tiny butt? That sort of thing. =/

This afternoon, I also painted my nails a bright red color and I added a little white vampire smiley on them. It was cute. X]

AND! I also spent some time with God as well.
It's nice. I feel alot better right now. I think I just needed to relax and talk to God a bit. I hope tomorrow will be way better then today was.

Super happy. =]

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T18:56:00.002-05:00

Well today was Memorial Day.
There was a special on TV this morning, about honoring the troops, and a new memorial park opening in a place where I live. It was really nice.

When I sit and think about it, I can't imagine how so many people would want, and actually even go out and fight for our country. It just seems so amazing to me. They are so devoted and greatful for America, that they would go and fight for it. I've questioned whether I would do that. The only things holding me back are 1.) I hate fighting. Yes. That would be a huge problem. 2.) I'm not really too fond of high speed objects flying past/being aimed at my head or any other part of my body, and 3.) I want to act.

Yep. Those are the three exceptions. Oh! And I love my mom's cooking too much. Yeah... I think that's it.

But anyways, today we got to go out and go shopping during those Memorial Day sales.
I got a pair of jeans for $5 and a tank top for $3 at Rue21. It was amazing. Totally made my day. ;D

And now I am listening to Bella's Lullaby. =]
And then after that, I am going to go ask my mom if she can help me order the SPECIAL EDITION Twilight CD/DVD. Agh. I can't wait. I will FINALLY have the sound track. I wish I had a job. Then I could buy ALL the Twilight stuff that I wanted. =[

*sigh* Well... I'm sure I will get all the stuff one day. =]
Hm... here is a list of all the stuff I will want to have/ buy eventually. =D

Twilight Musical Jewelry Box @ HotTopic - $34.00
Twilight Alice Choker @ HotTopic - $19.99
Twilight Quote Heart Necklace @ HotTopic - $19.99
The Robert Pattinson Album Book @ HotTopic - $16.95
Twilight Director's Notebook @ HotTopic - $17.99
Twilight Not Hero T-shirt @ HotTopic - $9.98
Twilight Edward Fleece Throw @ HotTopic - $28.00
Twilight Forks High School Tee @ Hot Topic - $22.00
Twilight DVD Cover Tee @ Hot Topic - $22.00
Twilight Forks Spartans T-Shirt @ Hot Topic - $22.00
Twilight Jacob Werewolves T-shirt @ Hot Topic - $19.00
Bella's Bracelet @ Twilightteez.com - $70.00
Cullen Baseball @ t-shirts.cafepress.com - $20.49
Forks Washington Twilight Tote Bag @ t-shirts.cafepress.com - $24.99
Forks #2 Jr. Ringer T-shirt @ t-shirts.cafepress.com - $19.99

Yeah... and you may not believe it, but there's LOTS LOTS more. Haha.
But let's see. That all comes out to... $367.37
That's almost a FREAKING $400!!!!

Agh...
I have alot of work to do. =/
Hm... I should set a goal. X]

I'll let you know of my progress! =D
-SUPER TWILIGHT LOVER.

New Moon Contest Winner

2009-05-24T13:01:00.003-05:00

Well, I found out who the winner of the NEW MOON video contest was. His name was Ky Wildermuth. And I must say, his video was quite astonishing. Haha. I am a bit bummed about not winning though. =/

But I'll be ok. I still love TWILIGHT just as much, if not even more. >.<
*sigh* I do wish I could be there, just to see how it all goes. X]

Anywho, I was thinking about asking my mom if she could help me order the Twilight Deluxe Soundtrack CD/DVD. It's this super TRICKED OUT version of the Twilight soundtrack. Haha. I was just talking with my friend the other day, about how I have to get all the TWILIGHT stuff before New Moon comes out. Lol X]

GAH! I can NOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY! This is SO EXCITING!!! ^^
But anyways, I'm off to go do something more productive. I'm kind of bored at the moment. =/

Hasta la vista. :]

LAST DAY of SCHOOL!!

2009-05-23T09:22:00.002-05:00

Yes. Yesterday was the last day of school.

But unfortunately, for me, it wasn't. Well... technically it was, but because of the stupid swine flu, the school board added in 2 more days of school next week. -_- So yeah. Most every ISN'T coming to school on Tuesday adnd Wednesday of next week, but for some reason my mom is making me go. I hate the thought of it. Like no one is going to be at school... It sucks so bad. >=[

But yeah. I will be going to school next week. I won't be surprised if only like, 30 people show up. Humph...

Anyways, nothing was really done yesterday, except take my last twp final exams, and then play MadGab in history class. That was pretty fun. =]
Broadcasting took forever though. I just sat and read BreakingDawn while everyone else played Uno, and a couple of others were using the laptops. The people I usually talked to left early right after exams, so they kind of left me stranded there. =/

So yeah. What else? Well, while sitting in broadcasting, I did get around to writing another story idea. It was pretty cool from what I did get done. I'm pretty excited about it. X]

Let's see. I know there is more. OH YES! Somehow ants have managed to find their way inside of my keyboard. 0_o It kind of sucks. Everytime I type, I feel something crawling on me. It's quite irritating. They are EVERYWHERE. 0_o

But amyways, my dad is bugging me about cleaning up the house. So yeah.
I guess I'm out for now.

PEACE. ♥

5 1/2 Days left of school

2009-05-19T07:09:00.002-05:00

WOOTWOOT!
There are only 5 1/2 days left of school. Haha. I am so happy.
I'm actually about to go to school right now. lol.

Hm... yesterday was the parent meeting for Color Guard. Basically all we did was go over practice information. It was pretty fun. Before that we had practice. I'm finally starting to get my tosses down. =]

Well let's see. What else?
I have also FINALLY come upon a college that I absolutely love.
It's called Abilene University and it's in Texas!

That's the only part I don't like... that it's so far away from home. But they have loads of stuff that I am looking forward to. Like a COLOR GUARD team, and an HUGE acting class. And best of all, they are a CHRISTIAN SCHOOL! Yay!

Agh. I will have to start preparing. I need to get some SCHOLARSHIPS!
Well, I'm about to leave for school.

I guess I will be off.

I will try to get on later.
Adios, mi amigos! =D

Hah! this says it all.

2009-05-17T15:46:00.001-05:00

Imprinting

2009-05-16T17:56:00.004-05:00

Well, the last full week of school beginnings tomorrow. I am quite happy and content when reminded of this thought.

I am extremely happy things are starting to slow down now. I don't want to think about all the other stuff that needs to be completed for school. Instead, I want to think of Embry, and Jacob, and La Push.

I have gotten back to reading the TWILIGHT saga once more. I am currently on Breaking Dawn. Whenever I read it, I can't help but compare myself to poor Jacob Black (this is pre-Renesmee for those that read the book). I start to wonder if I act to old for my age, or why there are no guys mature enough for my interest. Or why there are no guys that really understand me.

So I think, wouldn't it be amazing if I could be imprinted upon? I wouldn't have to worry about the long dates and awkward conversations. It would be natural. It would feel natural. He would understand me, and I would understand him. Awkward silences wouldn't be awkward anymore, they'd be AMAZING. I'd be looking forward to them. And best of all, we would always be loyal to each other.

Yeah... I'd love that.
BUT! It's not TWILIGHT, and I'm not in La Push. I think I will visit one day.
That definately is on my To-Do list.

Sincerely,

Your completely-in-love-with-the-La Push-werewolf-boy-lover.

xoxo.

Hey There Delilah

2009-05-08T07:05:00.004-05:00

The Plain White T's.

It is this amazing band that has written one of my favorite songs.
HEY THERE DELILAH.

For the past week or so, I have decided to teach myself how to play it. I'm actually getting REALLY good. I have the notes down, I just need to practice on smoothing out the song. It's awesome. It only took me about 2 days to actually learn the notes. YAY!

Also, I've been enjoying my time with my mp3 player.
The times when I'm riding in the car, half bored to death, listening to Robert Pattinsons lovely music.

*sigh*
So.... ANYWAYS.

I'm about to go to school.
I'll probably post some more later.

ChowChow. xoxo.

Getting a Job

2009-05-07T06:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a rather eventful day.

My county was hit by a tornadoe. That morning we all had to evacuate our rooms and squoosh into the school hallways. It was pretty fun. I was playing with my friend's iPod touch the whole time. So I was never really bored, just enjoying myself.

I concluded the day with watching the other new Color Guard members practice for their try-outs. I didn't get to see a whole lot, because my mom came just 5 minutes after they started. =[

But I am excited for this afternoon. COLOR GUARD practice! YAY! =D
My back is already packed and everything. Hehe. ^^

And after that, I'm going to go to Hallmark to apply for a job! My friend told me about it just yesterday, and I would love to apply. Hm... HALLMARK. I would never think this place would be my first job, but I like the thought of it already. It seems simple... and I love CARDS! =D

I hope it all works out!

Well, I am off to school.
I shall be back later.

So long!

It's May

2009-05-05T21:30:00.002-05:00

Yep.

It's May.
As of lately, my life hasn't been that eventful. I've just been tired exhausted, busy, and really tired of all the stress that just kind of FLOWED into my life.

And feeling unnecessarily unhappy doesn't help much as well.
I don't know why, but I'm just not happy where I am. There doesn't seem like there's any meaning to anything. I've been reading "The Purpose Driven Live" by Dr. Rick Warren. In the book, there is a chapter about caring less about earthly possessions and more of your Heavenly home.

He also talks about how we're never really happy on Earth because, we weren't meant for earth in the first place. We were meant for Heaven. I just started thinking. It makes me sad to think about it. I feel like whenever I try to focus on something, I lose track of God. And when I try to place my focus back on God, I start to suck at everything else.

Drawing, my goals. Everything just seems to go down hill.
I just can't possibly understand what I'm doing wrong...
It's quite depressing at times.

If this is what happens, what do I have to look forward to in life.
My goals are all a waste. I want to make a living. I don't want to struggle.

*sigh*...
Maybe it's just a balancing issue.

I need to find myself.

The 30th of April

2009-04-30T09:02:00.002-05:00

I'm sick and tired of being so tired.
I feel like my carelessness and selfishness have brought me so far away from the things that I truely love. When you look at me, you may think I'm something different than I really am. I've even managed to fool myself.

Selflessness is much deeper than the actions. It's barried in the deep dark crevices of the heart, and if it doesn't start there, then selfishness is bound to creep in and grow so deep, that it becomes uncontrollable, and the person doesn't even know that it even exists. They fool themselves into believing the lies they tell themselves each day.

I'm tired of lying.
I feel like a hypocrite. I want to care again.
Selfishness isn't and wasn't meant for me.
I want to care.

I've talked to God, and I think I need to do so again. Ask Him to change my heart.
Change my mind. I need to be changed from the inside out, and only He can do it.

Moving on, I managed to make Color Guard on Monday!
Our first practice was Tuesday, and it was intense.
We were supposed to have another practice today, but 2 cases of swine flu were found at a nearby elementary school. So school where I am has been closed for the rest of the week. YES!

You do not know how happy I was last night.
My sister and I were dancing when we heard the news.

I'm sure she was extra happy not to go because today is in fact her birthday.
I plan on going out later with my mom to get her a gift. I'm sure she will enjoy it.
I just asked her what she wanted and she said she'd like clothes. So that's perfect.
I planned on getting her something like that anyways. lol.

But I'm going to go take a shower now.
I'll let you know how everything goes.

P R A Y F O R M E.

Spanish Convention

2009-04-25T15:40:00.002-05:00

I don't think I have been so exhausted in so long.
Spanish Convention... oh... Spanish Convention.

The morning started out lovely!
I woke up at 5:40 to take a shower and get dressed.
I had to be at the bus by 6:45.
L O V E L Y. -_-

Everything went well. I had to sit on a bus full of loud obnoxious teens for a straight 3 hours going to Tuscaloosa. It was rather loud, and... uncomfortable. Too many people. The actually competition was located at the Alambama at Tuscaloosa campus. Now I'm not a huge BAMA fan, but the campus was absolutely AMAZING. I never expected to be so awesome. The food court was ABSOLUTELY mind-blowing. They had BK, Chick-Fil-A, this sushi place, BBQ, soul food (and yes, I DID say soul food ;D ), this pizza and pasta place, this Mexican food place, and TONS of candy and drinks! It was awesome.

And the best thing is, I won 3rd place in my category.

Finally, the day ended with a LONG ride back with loud teens, flashing cameras, and "bus party" in the back. It was a rather eventful time.

And now, I am exhausted. Exhausted to the point of having to get an extra 3 hour nap in along with a splitting headache. Don't worry. I took some meds not to long ago though.

Now I am listening to music, and am about to go practice for Color Guard try-outs on Monday. I'll let you know what happens. =D

ADIOS, M I A M I G O. ♥

One Hectic Week

2009-04-22T20:53:00.002-05:00

It's amazing.
I never usually have such busy weeks as this one. Because of this, I have just been extremely exhausted by the end of the day. Anyhow, I have been going to Color Guard practice after school. It has been really fun!

Yesterday I was faced with a dilemna. Color Guard try-outs and the Spanish convention field trip are both on the same day. But I talked to the color guard instructor, and she said that I could try-out on Monday if I'd like, so that's what I'm going to do.

I'm so excited!
I really think that I am going to make it. I'm learning all of the routines extremely fast. It's awesome!

So I am really looking forward to that. I also have to finish reading their Eyes Were Watching God. There's supposed to be a test over that on Friday, but I won't be there for it. >.<

Anyways, it's 9:00, and I decided to go to bed early.
My head has been killing me. I think I'm coming down with something... =[
*sniffle sniffle*

I shall post when I can.

L O V E, D.

The consequences of staying up past 12.

2009-04-16T20:39:00.005-05:00

Today I suffered the consequences of staying up too late. Before I continue, one may ask "What is late in my opinion?" Well, in my opinion, late is around 10 o'clock PM.

I went to bed at 12.

The cause of this was mainly because I was uploading a video I made with my sister that afternoon. It was pretty fun. On that note, I would have to say that staying up editing, and uploading that video may have been alot better for my health if I would have waited for today to finish. It was because of this particular video that I suffereed an intense migraine today. It was horrible. You know? The kind you get when it feels like you can barely function because every bright light, every loud sound, and every sudden movement just makes you cringe and want to curl up into a ball.

Yeah. It sucked.
But not to worry. When my mom picked me up, I consumed a large Sonic Lime-aide, went to the library to pick up a few books, then took some pain killers as soon as I got home. Problem solved. *thumbs up*

Now, I sit hear and continue to write about my day, I am waiting for 9 o' clock to roll around so I can watch my favorite show. TAKING THE STAGE. It's a new show on Mtv all about these few high school students that attend the School for Creative and Performing Arts in Cincinnati. So far, my favorite character is none other than Mia Curruthers. She is an amazing singer/song writer and has one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. If anything, I watch that show because of her. Her and Aaron that is. He's cute too. X]

Well, my show is coming on in about 6 minutes! =D
Here's a counter, although it will be over soon. Hehe.

Check ya later dudes! =D

Taking the Stage

So... yesterday was EASTER!

2009-04-13T18:23:00.003-05:00

Yeah.
So here's the thing. I was totally planning on actually posting an Easter blog on EASTER! Yeah! I even opened the blog window about 2 times... and both of those times I decided that I was too lazy to write anything at the time. SO of course, I said "Oh... I'll just write it later tonight." And OF COURSE, I forgot.

So that is why I'm writing it now. Right now. Yes. Now.

Oh! And in the meantime, here's a cute little Easter egg picture for you to stare at before you continue.
Stare... NOW.

My Easter was wonderful. Amazing even.

At the end of the day, I couldn't help but feel loved and refreshed. It's amazing how God does that to people, and not only on Easter. The day started off with an illustrated sermon at church. It was pretty cool. I think I have a new role model. He's this guy named Brian Welch. He is now an ex-member of Korn. That's a super popular rock band for those of you that didn't know already. ;]

His testimony was probably the greatest. On the video, he told of how he was addicted to drugs, and the "rocker" life style, and how God changed his life around completely.

I find that so inspiring!
*sigh* Yep. He's awesome.

Um... well the rest of the day didn't consist of much, other than lounging around in my room, eating tons of food, getting fat, and using the computer. YAY!

Well, I'm off to check my email. My teacher is supposed to be sending an article to read for homework...
BLAH.

Less than three! =D
AKA <3

Closing the Day

2009-04-11T22:03:00.002-05:00

Well, it feels better to know that the day is closing just a tad better than the way it started. Although I haven't completed any school work, I did get to do some laundry, and that means that there's not a huge mound of clothes sitting on the living room couch anymore. I also got to draw some more art. Although the drawing was fun and all that, the best part of my day was talking to... hm... we'll call them LEWIS, as in C.S. Lewis. I got to talk to Lewis. =]

It made me happy.
Although he probably thinks I'm weird or something, calling his house every 5 minutes. lol. >.<
Well, not really. I only called like 3 times today. Gah... I've got to stop doing that and give the guy some space. Everyone needs there space. It may seem hard to believe, but even I need my space.

... Yes. I know. "Shocker"!
But anyways, that last statement is what probably made my day.
I might be able to see Lewis tomorrow for Easter Sunday.

When and if I do, I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm actually about to go to bed. I'm pretty satisfied with the way today had turned out.

But it's now time to close.
Time for bed.

G'night.

Presenting: Minnie

2009-04-11T10:21:00.005-05:00

Hello there!

I just wanted to introduce to you a friend of mine.
Her name is Minnie, and she will be stopping by from time to time.

Just wanted to let you know that you'll be seeing her around. ;]

NEED to RELAX.

2009-04-11T08:26:00.004-05:00

Saturdays often require a good deal of relaxation in order to fully enjoy them. Good thing for me, relax is exactly what I tend to do.

This whole week has been hectic. Trying to get my assignments for school done has really drained me of my energy. I NEED this time to relax. When I'm not being drowned in school work, burning my eyes out on the computer, trying to finish an assignment, I have found the time to create a new character for my drawings.

She's cute, I guess. I love her hair. Haha. It was just yesterday that I finally gave her a name. Yesterday, the tornadoe sirens went off, so everybody in school had to go into the hallways. One of my friends who is deathly afraid of storms was about to have a panic attack. So you know... I started drawing for her, and I guess it helped a little bit. Well, I had to think of a name. So I decided to name her Minnie. Not Minnie after MINNIE MOUSE, Minnie after one of my friends dogs. lol.

She is a cute dog, so I decided to use that name. :]

Idk. I may start some little comics once I use my tablet again. It would be cool.
Hopefully everything works out.

Well, I still have some laundry doing, bed making, kitchen cleaning, trash taking to do before I can start to "relax". *sigh*

I'll be sure to let you know how THAT goes. =/

PEACE&RELAXING.

Grilled Cheese, Pet Rocks, and Rapping SuperStars

2009-04-08T16:51:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd open with this lovely picture of a tree.

Why? Well... I don't know. I just thouht it looked pretty. And I also thought it fitting, since you know, its Spring and all. >.<

Today was a rather accomplishing day. The most recent project in Broadcasting class that I've had involves making our own commercial spoof. Mine came out exceptionally good. Everyone thought it was funny, so it definately fullfilled it's purpose. It was basically a spoof of the Geico commercial, except we had a little rock with eyes, and we were advertising the rock. It was... interesting. lol.

During math class, I was thinking about a friend and how we could totally become a band and travel around the country together. I could sing and he could rap. Idk. It seemed awesome at the time.

But yeah.
OH! Today one of my teacher friends brought in 4 two week old baby bunnies! They were ADORABLE! There eyes were still shut, and he had to feed them though an dropper. They were so adorable! I went to go look at them again after school, only to find that they were all gone. =/

It sucked.

Anyways, I just finished my grilled cheese sandwich, and now I am about to complete my math homework so I can go to bed early.

Hehe.
I may come back to write more later. ;]

Another Dream

2009-04-06T21:50:00.004-05:00

It hurts me.

To know there is something that I want SO BADLY, but to be so unsure of what will really happen. I wonder if things will all work out, but I know I could never let go. Or at least... that's how it feels. Its been this way for some time now.

I just wish I could be sure.
To know that something so sweet will always be there.

But something tells me that it won't, and I can't.
But I still can dream that it will.

♥

The Twilight Saga

2009-04-05T16:11:00.000-05:00

i'll stay up til twilight to see the new moon. if i'm lucky, i'll see the eclipse at breaking dawn, and the whole time i'll be sitting here with you, under the midnight sun

How amazing is that?
♥

New

2009-04-05T14:35:00.002-05:00

Today is Sunday. The beginning of a new week. The word "new" always seems to make me feel happy. A new start, something fresh, oh! It also reminds me of Spring time. Isn't that when all the NEW flowers start to bloom? Lovely.

Well today is going well so far. The only struggle I've really had is trying to choose a new blog layout, and wanting to talk to someone but not being sure if I should. It's complicated. (not really... I just enjoy saying that.)

But anyways, church was pretty good today. Although, at the end my stomach started getting to me. Don't you hate it when you're in the middle of church and your stomach just start to ACHE?!?! Well... yeah. As a result, I am now sitting her eating last nights left-overs. YUM. *thumbs up*

Well, I can think of nothing more.
I am off to either take a nap, or search for a new layout.

Peace out, HOMESKILLET BUISCUTS.
...(word.)

If a guy...

2009-04-03T19:08:00.002-05:00

Yes! It is finally Friday!
My April Fool's Wednesday night was ok. Gaia had a lame April Fool'd joke, but w/e. lol.

I was SUPER TIRED today. I'm never usually this tired at all. I felt so tired that I didn't feel like I could get through some of my classes. It was horrible. I did a search on sleeping and your health, and research states that a lack of sleep triggers stress hormones. That may be the reason for my past chest pain and anxiety attacks. I've decided that I need to get more rest. Like Pronto.

I'm going to bed early tonight, and hopefully that will help.

Anyways, about the guy thing. If a guy asks you if you have a BF, and you ask them back, but they ignore your question and say something else, is this a bad thing? 0_o

Hmph. I don't think I need help to figure that one out.
Anyways, I'm gonna go for a bit and try to do some stuff before I get my rest.

Peace out home skillet.

OH!

2009-04-01T07:00:00.003-05:00

And HAPPY APRIL FOOL's... or whatever you call it. lol XD

The beginning of an Amazing Week

2009-04-01T06:54:00.003-05:00

My week has been absolutely phenominal so far! It's awesome. lol.

On Monday, and I had a fabulous day. I don't know why. I was so tired in the morning, but by the end of the day, it just turned around. It was a time when my mind was clear, and that's the time when I can function the best. lol I answered lots of questions in English, so that made me feel SUPER ACCOMPLISHED! Hehe.

And yesterday was pretty awesome too! =D
I brought my Twilight bag to schooL! So that made me happy. I also brought my sketch pad as well. But the overall best part of my day, was getting to see one of my best friends at the mall. His name is Charles, and I hadn't seen him since Freshman year. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever known and I L O V E him.

That moment made my day. ♥

This morning when I was thinking about my character that I'm going to draw, I was thinking about making one that looked like him, and naming him Charles. Hehe. It's genius. I know, I know! I think I'm going to do that. ;D

I will let you know how today goes.
Peace, Love, and HAPPINESS!

xoxo♥

Me Weekend.

2009-03-29T13:37:00.002-05:00

My weekend has been pretty eventful to say the least.
Friday was my mother's birthday. So the family sat gathered 'round the table and ate plenty of icecream cake after singing happy birthday. I felt bad. I didn't get anything for her this year. I probably could have tried. I have some money left on my Target card, and a little on my Wal-mart card. Other than that, I'm broke. I'm not sure how I would have done it either. I don't have a car, or my license. So yeah.

Saturday was ok too. I got to go to a friends house to film a video for broadcasting. It was pretty fun. We walked from her house to Publix (which is just behind the neighbor's backyard) to get some supplies before we shot the video. All we needed were some Tic-Tacs. I enjoyed eating those. Later on in the day, I went to another friend's B-day party. We went paintballing! That was pretty cool too.

Now that it's Sunday, I'm just sitting her relaxing. I have some English homework that I need to complete for tomorrow. I also feel like changing my myspace profile and taking some pics. I shall do that soon.

Well, I'm off to get some lunch. I heard it was fish, corn, spaghetti, and cornbread.

Yum.

...

Finally, it's Friday.

2009-03-27T19:08:00.002-05:00

Hey there!
I'm so glad its Friday!

Finally! Time to relax, and actually get my rest.

Today was pretty good. Except for one thing...

Have you ever felt that you were being used by one of your supposed "best friends"?
Well yeah. That's how I feel right now. One of my friends from school... Idk, it seems that they don't really care about our friendship as much as they care about using me. It seems that in whatever project we do, it's always, "Oh! Come on! Do you have any ideas? What are they! What's your idea! Come on! Come on! We only have 1 more day!" or "Here's what I have for OUR group."

1) If we ARE in a group, I'm just letting you know now that I am NOT the only one that will be coming up with the ideas.

2) If it's my idea, I think I should be able to tell/direct the group in whatever project we will be doing. My idea. My vision for the project. End of story. I don't need one person constantly disagreeing with every word/idea that I give, only to take the same idea and twist it into something completely different. If you really like your ideas, just please take charge and start another group of your own. I know you may want to be with me, but it's not going to work if you keep wanting to mold my ideas into something I wasn't intending. Of course, I'm open to suggestion! But I don't like having my ideas changed and having credit "given" to you for coming up with it. It's just... annoying at times. And it feels like you are truely using me for that purpose alone.

3) OUR group? Not to be mean, but what automatically makes you assume we are in a group together? The last time I checked, I make my own decisions, not someone else. I think I can decided what group I would like to be in. It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with this person. It's just that sometimes friends work better apart, and unfortunately, that's how I feel in this case. I feel we would work a lot better apart. That's just the way I feel.

Ok. I believe that's about it.
This is just how I feel about things at the moment. Not that this person would see it. =/ But I just thought I should post this. This one issue makes me feel like we are growing apart. I honestly don't even feel like "best" friends anymore. More of just, friends... if we could call it that.

*frustration*

Dilemna Before School

2009-03-25T07:10:00.003-05:00

Well... it's 7:10 on this fine Wednesday morning, and I have a dilemna.

I can't decide whether to take my new Twilight Messenger Bag to school! =[

Well, you see. I love TWILIGHT. So I can't help but want to show my ever-loving support for them. Plus, I wanted to show one of my friends my Jacob Black and Team Jacob pins. Haha.

But I finally came upon a decision.
Since I don't NEED to use the bad right now, I will wait. But I will put the pins on my backpack! YAY! Haha

Well alrighty.
I'm about to go to school.

I'll BBL.

-JACOB FAN #1.

Daydreams

2009-03-21T20:28:00.003-05:00

I have come to a realization.
I daydream way too much.

Because of how much I daydream, I have decided to do some googling and research of my own. One response said something along the lines of how daydreaming makes some feel more comfortable than real life.

And I thought about it. And for me, that's partially true. I don't know. Like... I have been daydreaming alot. Is it because I'm just not satisfied with life right now? I want something more in life. Something better... better than real life. Well... at least for now. I'm not saying I'm not happy with my life! I'm just saying that I want something different! I want to do something where my dreams are actually coming true. I want to make progress!

I'm tired of sitting around the house all the time. I want to get out there. But it seems like all the doors that I have to get out and go have all been shut and locked away. And the keys are burried within some deep dark rock that will probably take years to recover from. I'm just not happy with that type of life. I want to get out there. I have dreams, and I want them to be fullfilled! I want to start living. I'm tired of the same routine. Wake up. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Go to school. Come home. Do homework. Use computer. Eat dinner. Go to bed. It seems like that EVERY SINGLE DAY! And if it's not that, I'm using the computer.

I just want a change! But I feel trapped, with no place to run... and no place to go.

Sometimes I wish daydreams would just come true...
But... just to say they won't would be stupid in my eyes.
My daydreams are attainable, they just seem so far away.

That's why I'm making a "dreambook" to always remind me to keep pressing on.
To remind me of the things that I so eagerly want to come true.

-The Dreamer

My Inspiration for Acting

2009-03-21T17:14:00.006-05:00

Would it be bad to say that... Twilight is my driving force for becoming an actress?

Last night, I was about until after 12 for the TWILIGHT release party at Wal-mart! It was pretty fun! I came with my little home-made "Team Jacob" sign. It was... tacky. lol. But I didn't care. I get to talk to alot of other Twilight fans! And we ended up buying the 2-disc special edition of the movie. When we arrived there at around 10:45, we had to wait until 12:01 before we could finally get it. lol.

But yeah. My sister and I stayed up until about 2:30 watching the movie before we finally decided it was time to go to bed. It wasn't even NEAR the end. But the lack of sleep was beginning to put my body in physical pain. My chest and head started to hurt. =/ I was kind of mad because I wanted to stay up all night watching TWILIGHT. lol. But I knew it would be better for my body to at least try to get some rest. So, we went to bed around 3, and I woke up at around 11 something. >.<>But yeah. My sister and I stayed up until about 2:30 watching the movie before we finally decided it was time to go to bed. It wasn't even NEAR the end. But the lack of sleep was beginning to put my body in physical pain. My chest and head started to hurt. =/ I was kind of mad because I wanted to stay up all night watching TWILIGHT. lol. But I knew it would be better for my body to at least try to get some rest. So, we went to bed around 3, and I woke up at around 11 something. >.< Haha. It was pretty cool.

For the rest of the day, I finished watching the rest of the movie, and concluded with watching the music videos, and all the other special features that were involved with the movie. I must say, the behind the scenes stuff is what truely makes me want to be an actress. To see all the technical stuff and all the fun they had in making such an amazing movie is just... WOW. It makes love what they do. It makes me want to be there and do it too! =] But yeah. That's about it. I hope that one day I can do an amazing movie like TWILIGHT.

3 Cheers for TWILIGHT!
*Hip-Hip... HOORAY!... times 3*

To all the TWILIGHT HATERS.

2009-03-19T10:48:00.002-05:00

Well, spring break hasn't been as awesome as I hoped. I've mostly been at home, playing SIMS2, eating, and writing stories. Oh! And listening to music as well.

I was just on GAIA, you know checking my mail, making sure I haven't missed anything. I realized that there was a new announcement. So, I clicked it. It appears that Gaia is advertising the release of TWILIGHT on DVD! Agh! I'm so excited! I can't wait. I was talking with my mom the other day. She was telling me about how my sister wanted to get it. I told her about the midnight release party, and surprisingly, she said if we could stay up, she would let us go. =]

So yeah. Anyways, I was on Gaia, and I was looking at all the comments and criticism that Twilight was getting.

Personally, I used to think TWILIGHT was stupid, and now that I think back upon it, I realize why. Since TWILIGHT is the new "thing", it was cool to hate it. So, I did. I hated TWILIGHT. That is... until I saw the movie and actually read the series. I will admit, the acting could have been better, but the TWILIGHT SAGA is amazing!

Of course, as a severely super EXTREME fan of Twilight, all of the negative comments kind of hit a nerve. I hadn't realized how many people on Gaia hated Twilight. Of course, there were some that absolutely loved it, but then the majority of the people were dogging the movie and saying the series is horrible, and things along the lines of, "Oh! Stephenie Meyer could have broken her fingers instead of writing that horrible book!" And oh... it just made me SO MAD! I love Stephenie Meyer! She has a beautiful style of writing, and who cares if the VAMPIRES SPARKLE! This is not another "normal" vampire novel. (In case you haven't noticed). It's a freakin' story! Everyone has a different point of view. If this is what she thought, it super speedy werewolves, and lovely sparkling vampires was her dream, then AWESOME! I think it was an amazing idea.

I couldn't think of a story so beautiful and complex myself.

I don't care what you dumb old TWILIGHT haters may think, but I think that it is amazing.
And I love TWILIGHT.

Oh... and just for the record.

Cartoonize the World

2009-03-16T18:40:00.002-05:00

After cleaning the kitchen and doing some laundry, I decided to come back to the computer.
Well, I was surfing around and I came across this! I thought it was so totally awesome! lol.

Let me know what you think.

Pretty cool, huh? ;]

Poor Emmett.

2009-03-16T11:14:00.002-05:00

Well, it the day after the day of the middle of the month. Well kinda. March has 31 days, doesn't it? Well... maybe not technically the day after. Idk. Maybe more towards, between the 15th and 16th of the month.

This morning, I did my devotions, and then went on to reading NEW MOON once more. I read that in bed for about an hour and a half. Then my mom made me some french fries for breakfast. I haven't them in forever. 0_o

Anyways, I felt the urge to blog on this fine Monday morning. It is officially the second day of my Spring Break. I am very happy. I have recently been thinking about alot of stuff... as usual. Ever since the beginning of January, I have been writing a fac fiction for one of my best friends involving her and Emmett Cullen from TWILIGHT. It's actually pretty awesome. She was writing me a fanfiction relating to Robert Pattinson as well. Sadly, we both kind of grew away from our interestes in the two. But in my effort for reading the TWILIGHT saga over again, and have decided to continue writing her story.

I love writing. It is like a movie playing inside my head, that I just can't wait to let free. I think I will go and finish the 16th chapter I started last night. Hopefully, it will be complete soon. If not, my french fries shall keep me company.

Sincerely,

TWILIGHTlover.

2009-03-15T19:25:00.002-05:00

Things are changing once again. I'm trying to adjust myself to it, slowly that is. Its amazing how I always hit this moment every year. It happens every now and then. Something changes for the worst. Nothing ever really is good when you want it to be. Well... when you want it most.

Am I selfish because I want something to work out perfectly for me, just this... once?

I don't want the same change that I encountered last year. I want something fresh. Something amazing. Something understanding. And something PERFECT.

Something special... just for you.

Hehe...

2009-03-14T10:56:00.002-05:00

I thought this animation was cute. It's been on my computer for a while now. lol

Thought I'd show you. =]

Grad Exam Week.

2009-03-14T10:32:00.002-05:00

This week has been hectic. All this week my school was taking graduation exams. It was fun at times, but just annoying at others. Because of the testing, and different peoples classes, the schedule was rearranged for this week. This was in order for everyone to be able to go to one of their classes at least once of twice. It was fun. I already took and passed all of them my Freshman year. Because of this, I got to stay in... the GYM. *dramatic music*

Amazingly, that was ok at times. Others, it was just boring. Especially, when we had to stand in there for almost three hours. But it wasn't all BAD. I got to meet lots of new people. The drama group is probably the most awesome at my school. haha XD It was... interesting. X]

I feel bad. I haven't practiced playing my lovely Edward-Jacob in a while! =[ For those who don't know, Edward-Jacob is my lovely guitar. And yes, he is named after little EJ (AKA The son that Bella Swan never had, who also was named after Edward and Jacob). Hehe. Yes, I know. Please don't give me any problems on the name. TWILIGHT is amazing. Deal. <3

Well, I know I have more to say, but I will probably post some more later today.
I'll save it for then. ;]

Stay positive.

2009-03-07T20:31:00.002-06:00

Well, it's Saturday.

Today was a rather interesting day. Apart from being bored, I ate lots of grapes, 2 tacos, and went to the casting call for the job at Applebee's. It went pretty well. The manager said that call backs for an interview would possibly occue Monday. So I hope I get a callback. I'd LOVE to work there!

Here is my list of the 5 top things I will be saving up for:

1. a new ZUNE
2. a video camera
3. Tickets to Massachusettes, New York, and Chicago. (plus spending money!) X]
4. a laptop.
5. shopping spree (this is after I pay my mom back.)

Well that's about it.
Hopefully I'll think of something more later. =]

Rawr.
xoxo.

2009-03-06T19:03:00.003-06:00

Thank God it's the weekend!

I have been waiting for this day for a very long time! School has been getting so tiresome and annoying. To many deadlines, to many things to do. Agh! Now that I think about it. I still have to pick out a monologue to memorize. CRAP.

I really hope that I get accepted into advanced production drama.

But first, I have to find a monologue. lol. Gah... this sucks.

Hm. Well, I am going to go to the cast calling tomorrow. Hopefully I get a call back for an interview! ^^

I can't really think of anything else... Well, I have been thinking about something, but I may talk about it later. X] Haha.

Ta-ta- For now!

2009-03-04T20:46:00.002-06:00

It is blogging that makes me look forward to the end of my days. It hasn't occured to me how much I've come accustomed to blogging. Writing frees the mind. It helps to relieve my stress. It's almost like a treat.

So much has been going on for the past few days. I've been trying to focus and keep track of everything, but sometimes, it just seems so overwhelming. Is the Junior year of highschool supposed to be the most busy of them all? I still have yet to take the ACT AND the SAT. I need to turn in my form for National Honor Society.

I just hope everything goes by smoothly. Currently, I have been going back and forth from this blog entry to other tabs on Firefox for about the past... oh... 2 hours or so. lol. So I have decided to come back and finish it before I have to go to bed.

I found a few monologues that I would like to do for my audition on Monday for Advanced Production Broadcasting. I'm so excited. I hope I get excepted.

Wow. It's late.
I should probably get going lol.

Hasta la vista ... BABEH! <3

2009-03-03T16:27:00.003-06:00

After a sleepless night, and a stressful day, I am satisfied and quite content to be at home once more. Being challenged with all of the problems and crap that are pushed on to my plate during the day at school are quite frustrating. I enjoy the time that I have to come home and relax after a long, hard day.

This morning was cold. Yesterday was colder. I'm still waiting for summer to hurry up and come around already! School is getting better and better as summer gets even closer. It's kind of sad. Right when you are actually starting to get good grades and actually UNDERSTAND the class, it's time to leave and have fun. Well... leaving school to have fun it's that bad.

I can't stay long. Afterall, my second draft of my 8 page book report is due tomorrow. =/ I've been writing different notes to myself throughout the day to help make the process go smoother for me this afternoon. Writing papers on papers or pieces of work is just stupid. And it's definately not one of my most favorite things to do.

But, I've come to understand that this all comes in the package along with GROWING UP and MATURING. This sucks.

OH! Also, I have possibly been considering getting a job at Applebee's. I really need the money. I hope I get it.

Well, I'm off to write that paper.
Hopefully, I'll be back soon!

Chow, Senores.

... 0_O

Actions.

2009-02-28T22:07:00.003-06:00

Sometimes the things I do make me wish I was never even born.

They often make me wonder, if life would be much easier if it didn't exist at all.
Would it all have been worth it, not to live rather than to face all the crap that life forces upon me?

Sometimes it makes me sick.
The only thing I love about life, are the fun and happy times.

And knowing when it's over, I'll be with someone that has and always will love me for eternity.

Ben...

2009-02-28T13:50:00.004-06:00

is Mr. Good Waffle.
<333

Ben: cathy is crackers n ur the cream chesse XD

Gee... thanks BEN! lol X]
ILY, guys.

Saturdays.

2009-02-28T13:37:00.002-06:00

Well, I am sitting here.

I have been at home and on the computer just about all day. =/
My mom isn't doing so well. I think she has a cold. Blah. >.<

But yeah.
While browsing over my myspace friends this morning, I came upon an awesome myspace music page.

The name is called Breakbeat Heartbeat.
His music is AMAZING!

So awesome! lol.
Well yeah. I found a few links on his page for free songs. =]
And of course, I HAD to download them. So I did. X]

And I burned a few CDs for my CD player. =]
I've been listening to them when I could. lol

Its pretty awesome.
But yeah...

I guess that's about it.
And I should probably get started on my research paper revision.
Although I don't really feel like it. BLAH.

>.<

One Long Week

2009-02-26T18:17:00.002-06:00

Well, this week has been super long!

Monday: I got to stay home with Cathy! =] She's one of my best friends. First of all, I think I should point out that we met on Gaiaonline. At first, it was a little bumpy between us, but who would have known we'd become best friends? 0_o LOL. I love her! She's amazing. Well, she got to come down, and we met in person for the first time! XD It was weird, in a good way. Neither of us were shy. It was like we've known each other forever. X]]]] Sadly, this was the day we had to take her to the airport. I cried my eyes out for a good while as we left. =/ It was pretty intense. But don't worry. She got home safely. We talk on the phone just about everyday! XD

Tuesday: I had to go back to school. Blah.

Wednesday: I got my report card, transcript, and cirriculum booklet for next year! =D I will be a Senior! >.< It's so exciting. Yet, kind of scary. D=

Thursday: My 8 page research paper rough draft was due. But I only managed to get 4 pages done. Oh well.

So yeah. I have a Maceth test tomorrow. I guess that's it. OH! And I also found out that one of my friends from school lives in my neighborhood. lol So yeah. That was awesome! =D

I have decided that I'm going to try to get back in shape.
I haven't been feeling very healthy lately. Too many headaches and too much stress. Summer will be better. MUCH BETTER.

PEACE♥&Happiness.

Cathy's HERE.

2009-02-21T07:56:00.002-06:00

Yay!

Haha.
Well all week I have been waiting for this day! =D
And it's finally here!

Well... it was yesterday I was waiting for mostly.
But today is good too! Haha XD

Yesterday my best friend came down from Massachusettes.
It was pretty awesome. I had been waiting to see her for a VERY long time! =D

It's interesting...
How we met that is.
We met on GAIAONLINE. It's pretty awesome!
The situations and circumstances, are... a very long story. And the details are quite interesting as well. lol.

Well she just got done taking a shower.
I'll give you the details LATERS.

PeaceOUT. <3

Success at last!

2009-02-18T20:34:00.003-06:00

Alrighty.

Hello there! =]
Well, it's about 8:34pm right now.

I'm super tired! *yawn*
Anyways, I have read my Bible and prayed a bit.
I'm already feeling better. Talking to God ALWAYS makes a difference. It's amazing. =O

Also, I was listening to the radio as I took my shower and "Keys to the Kingdom" by Group 1 Crew came on. It made me feel ALOT better. It gave me confidence. Strength. It felt like God was trying to tell me not to give up, and to keep moving forward for His kingdom.

It gave me... hope.
Anyways. Lol.

I need to go print out my sources before I fall asleep at the keyboard! D=
AGH! Lol.

Ok!

God Bless.

Super Stressed.

2009-02-18T17:50:00.003-06:00

Hey guys!

Gah. Today was so... BLAH.

I have just found so many problems and things that I have to worry about in my life.
It sucks.

1. I don't feel like my SpiritMan is as close to God as it used to be.
--- I'm constantly finding myself doing things, and NOT caring like I used to. Idk what it is... I have also noticed that when I was closer to God, I was more organized. More neat. I cared more. Idk. It may seem absurd, but it's not. I have truely noticed a change in my behavior. And I hate it. I'm still nice and all, but... I feel like a hypocrit. I pray and all, but my relationship with God feels so weak right now. Like, I would think about God, and just not care. I used to think and talk to/about Him all the time. I hate what I've become. As RELIENT K once said,"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been". I'm putting my foot down. "It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right, what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong." (That was SANCTUS REAL by the way.)

2. I need to stop procrastinating.
--- I have an AP English 11, eight page research paper rough draft due next week, on the 26th I believe. I barely even knew what I was going to write it about. It's really frustrating. My sources are due tomorrow, and I still haven't searched those up. So yeah... I'm behind.

3. I have to many idols in my life.
--- Computer. Acting. Music. Friends. I just feel like I need to get away from it all. I sit and wonder if maybe it is all of these things that are effecting my relationship with God.

4. I'm always feeling like I'm constantly sick.
--- Which probably means I'm out of shape and need to excercise. This would probably include using less computer and reading less books. I put too much of a strain on my eyes.

So yeah. There's lots more. I'm sure. These are just the few that I care to think about at the moment.

I guess I'm doing fine right now, apart from my chest hurting. This frightens me at times. But it's probably just stress and anxiety, and a lack of excercising. GR.

Why does excercising have to have such a big effect on life? WHY?!?! D=

I hope it all goes well.

Idk what's wrong.

2009-02-16T12:56:00.003-06:00

Today was pretty hectic.
Idk what is wrong with me, really.

This weird thing keeps happening.
My eyes will feel like they are twitching or something. Not my eyelids, my eyeBALLS.

My head also feels weird at times. Weird as in sharp pains every now and then.
And then my muscles start to feel weak, and I get that feeling that you get after having an adrenaline rush. Except its has happened over 10 times today.

Idk what's going on.
It's kind of scaring me.
I've just recently gotten over a cold, and a few days ago, it felt like I couldn't breathe again... =/
So yeah. Idk what is. I hope it's nothing big.
Maybe I just need more rest.

I'll have a talk with God and leave it in his hands. =]

Well anyways, so yeah.
School was ok today. Nothing really happened. In broadcasting, we edited a bit today. It was pretty cool. lol. Um, what else? OH! I had to go to school early to make up a math test. I was supposed to be there around 7. lol. I hope I did well.

OH! BRB. I have some BBQ chicken in the microwave! XD

-2 minutes later-

OK! I'm back! =D
And so is my dog, Mango.
She's a mix of Jack Russel Terrier and Doberman, I think.
LOL. She looks like an oversized Jack Russel. Hehe.

Well I guess that's about it.
I will have to let you know more about what's been up later.

TTYL. <3

Edmund

2009-02-16T07:29:00.003-06:00

Well, goodmorning.

HAPPY PRESIDENT's DAY! =D

I have no school. yay.
It would be even more awesome if I actually didn't have to show up at school today... -_-
I'm currently supposed to be leaving to go to school for a broadcasting thing. >.<

We are making a movie! =]
And it just so happens that my group needs to finish it. So yeah. =/

It sucks.
I had to wake up early on my 3 day WEEKEND! =[[
Well at least I get to act. I love acting. =]
Our film is supposed to be a short clip from the Breakfast Club. (with our own little twist of course) Haha X]]]

It should be fun.
OH! Also, the Valentine's event on Gaia ends today. =[
So, since I really wanted Edmund, but I didn't have 1500 post, (I only have about 1120 right now), I bought him for about 5000gg. =]

Isn't he cute? ^^

I told you. X]

Well, I'm off to go film. =/
I'll let you know how it goes.

Check ya' later dudes!

Me and Music.

2009-02-15T20:59:00.003-06:00

Well it just so happens that I have realized that I really love music.

It's weird. I haven't realized how much it affects me.
Well, I knew that I've always loved to sing, but you know.

I am currently listening to Yiruma - River Flows in You.
That song is just simply amazing.

It's so special.
Reason being that it was debated to be "Bella's Lullaby" in the movie TWILIGHT.
I am absolutely in love with the TWILIGHT saga. Stephenie Meyer is amazing.

And her characters are even more awesome. (because they were made by here of course). ;]

Gr. I have noticed that when I am on the computer for long periods time, my eyes will start to burn. This also happens when I start to feel tired. Hm... =/

Anyways, I think that is it.
My eyes are really starting to bug me. AGH! D=

Until next time.

Hey, everyone!

2009-02-15T20:17:00.002-06:00

Hey there, everyone.

It just so happens that I have decided to start on a new blog. I decided to name it, In December: A New Beginning. Mostly because I'm tired of the old me, and I want a new beginning.

This will be a new time in my life. A time where I will chase after my dreams, and work to reach my goals. I will start to keep promises, and learn to love like I was born to do. I am going to take responsibility, even when I hate doing so.

I'm going to make things happen.
I can do all these things. I trust in God.

And if one doesn't work out, then He'll help me find a way. I want to live. I want to move. I want to succeed.

Let's get started.

This skin.

2009-02-15T20:14:00.002-06:00

There are times when I get sick and tired of being in this skin.

This human skin, that is.
We are all just so... imperfect.

It makes me sick to even thinkg about it. Why do we all have to make mistakes. Why is there right? Why wrong? I just wish that sometimes, I could actually control the wrong decisions I make. It makes me mad.

It makes me want to hate myself.
It makes me hate this horrible, earthly skin.

God, I'm sorry.